i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
