If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
