you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Did you pee in the oven last night??
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
