Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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