The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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