I cannot find my penis.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
