tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
