I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
