I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
And then he peed in my hair
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
