I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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