your room smells of hookers.
And success
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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