I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
