the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
