I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
