i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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