You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
We were destined to go to rehab together
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
