The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
