You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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