My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
