Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
