Soap is not a condiment
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
