He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
