I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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