Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
