Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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