like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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