Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
can u get pink eye on your cock?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I look excited, but its just a facade.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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