I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
