worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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