Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
