Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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