Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
