i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize