I faked an abortion last night.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm like, not good at living.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
