You're my little dorito
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
