last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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