found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
