he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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