I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
