Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
