I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
