The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
