Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
