I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
