So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
