I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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