we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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