my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
