I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
