I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize