it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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