dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize