I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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