Whod you bang
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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