Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
