If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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