After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
