so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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