Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
