Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He did a backflip because drugs
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
