Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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