And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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