I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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