This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
