he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
