he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
