You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize