dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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